Sick Notes


I’ve been inconvenienced at home for the past couple of days, confined to bed by a mystery illness which makes me feel sick every time I sit up. It’s typical that this should happen to me just as I am finding my feet in Sudbury; just as I’ve become a patron of the local library and the leisure centre, and a hilarious new white-belt addition to a karate class which is populated by mostly hyperactive seven to ten-year-olds, who seem to be intent on breaking my shins.

It was disappointing that I was too unwell to try out the yoga class last night. And I was even less pleased that I managed to miss out on a road trip to Thetford Forest Park with Antonia: she had borrowed her father’s car yesterday for the day, and the plan was to drive to South Norfolk to meet her best friend Jackie, who lives in Norwich, and Jackie’s four-year-old son, Euan (who is Antonia’s godson). Despite Antonia offering to cancel her plans so she could stay and look after me, I told her to go out and enjoy herself, and then I subsequently spent the rest of the morning alone and feeling sorry for myself whilst huddled in the loo.

It was better that I threw up in my own home rather than in someone else’s car – it has only been about six weeks since I last projectile vomited whilst Antonia’s father (Brendon) was driving us to Colchester. Of course, if you ask me, my reaction was totally understandable seeing as I’m not really used to being thrown along bumpy country lanes; and plus, it was the shock of nearly getting mowed down by a double decker bus that was driving on the wrong side of the road. Besides, I was so embarrassed about getting car sick that I actually cupped my hands together and caught the vomit. The problem only arose when Antonia – trying to help – gave me a polly bag that was full of tiny holes.

I suppose the saving grace about this whole illness thing is that I now have unlimited Broadband installed at home. So in between sleeping and puking and watching reruns of Prisoner: Cell Block H on Youtube (I’m now on episode one-hundred-and-eighty-four and I’ve calculated that if I continue to watch an average of five episodes every week then it’ll take me just under two years to finish the series), I managed to change my contact details on my ebay,, paypal and a few other accounts; and I also deleted a few strange followers off my twitter plus several rude followees who hadn’t followed me back.

It is now nearly midday and I am still in my pyjamas, still sniffing and still feeling sorry for myself. I am bursting for a pee but I can’t be bothered to get up because I have a headache… I suppose I should… combing my hair is also an idea I should consider… as is having a shower…

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