Strange Proposals

So recently, I had a dream that I asked Sophie aka the Bean-cruncher to marry me. I was at a huge house party in this dream and there were lots of other people there that I knew, including Antonia, my mother and the identical teenage twins from my karate club.

I was sitting at a table facing Sophie, and Antonia was to my left; and Sophie was talking about how she really, really loved weddings. I started to tell her that if I ever got married then the best part of the day for me would probably be the wedding waltz. Antonia harrumphed at this. (Which is probably what she’d do if this conversation manifested itself in real life, because I’ve asked her many times to be my partner at ballroom or salsa dancing classes but she refuses to indulge me.) Anyway, I then sent Sophie a proposal via text message. And she accepted.

In fact, I clearly remember her saying: ‘Lynsey, I’d like nothing better than to marry you.’

She looked very pleased with herself. And then she went round texting and telling everyone she knew.

Antonia was not amused. Understandably, I suppose. She hissed at me that she’d waited years for me to marry her, so what the hell did I think I was doing going off with someone else.

She then dragged me towards the toilets to give me a further earbashing in private, but my mother accosted us on our journey and gave a tearful speech about how she was so pleased for Sophie, and how Sophie was a wonderful who person who deserved happiness etc. She didn’t, of course, congratulate or even mention me.

Once mum had gone I explained to Antonia that I was only marrying Sophie for the wedding dance. It seemed like a perfectly logical thing to do during this dream. And I have to say, it did feel like Antonia was over-reacting. I told her we could carry on seeing each other as normal and that I was sure Sophie wouldn’t mind. Antonia didn’t think that was appropriate though, and she made me promise to tell Sophie that I couldn’t marry her. But I wasn’t allowed to tell her at the party. Because she said it would ruin everyone’s night.

There is a bit of a gap after that where I can’t quite remember what happened. Possibly we all just got very drunk. Because Sophie did seem to be reeling in a lot of free cocktails on the basis of the whole ‘I’ve just got engaged’ thing.

The next thing I remember is when the dream sequence jump cuts to a different day in a fuzzy coffee shop location with lots of arm chairs. I tell Sophie that I’m really really sorry but I can’t wed her after all. And she laughs in my face. And then says: ‘You didn’t honestly think I was going to marry you, did you?’

Apparently, dream Sophie had a bet with our friend, Fiona, over how long it would take for me to call the whole thing off. Sophie lost. But she said it was worth it to see me squirm under Antonia’s wrath. Plus she saved a fortune on alcohol.

When I told the real-life Antonia about my dream the next day, she was not impressed. Sophie thought it was hilarious though. And we ended up talking at about how we both love social dancing. She prefers the waltz. My favourite’s the tango.

Then I sent Sophie a text that said: ‘Will you marry me?’

And she replied: ‘YES!!!’

The conversation got sillier as we planned out what we would wear if and when we got married: a morning suit and a cravat for me.

Antonia harrumphed for real and pulled the duvet covers over to her side and told us that we weren’t funny in the slightest.

Eventually, I said to Sophie: ‘I think we’re going to have to call off our fake wedding.’

And none of us have mentioned it since.

I still think it was quite an exciting dream. It made a change from the ones I usually have where I’m pregnant or I have just given birth (to a large velvet teddy bear or something equally bizarre); I even had a dream one time that I went into labour and then delivered my own triplets… and then my ex-girlfriend ate one of them.

I can’t remember my dream from last night, but Antonia had a nightmare that I accidently committed suicide…

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